Do not cry.
Crying is like begging for help.
Just save your tears at the day of celebration…”
-Temptation of Wife-
Some people just don’t think.
Up at 5 am thoughts on life ha ha might not make sense but yeah…
I’m up at 5 am waiting for an answer that you refuse to give me because you aren’t ready… I wish you could just choose and realize what is important to you obviously I’m not ha ha I should have realized this a long time ago. Is it really that hard to just state how you feel it’s either a you want to be friends or not. Actually no it’s much more than that. You are horrible to me and here I am giving you millions of chances to make it right what the fuck am I doing. Why do you deserve a second chance… Why do you deserve more than a second chance. Why did you deserve that necklace. Why. I loved you… and this is how you treat me like nothing. You leave me for him. That’s fine ha ha I found someone better someone who actually cares about me and actually cherishes my time. I found someone that actually misses talking to me. Someone that wants to see me. Someone that Loves me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I wish for you to be happy. As you get closer to him you get farther from me. It’s fine ha ha just don’t toy with me anymore, most of all don’t ask for me anymore. You were suppose to be the one I thought. I thought a lot about you positive things. You have single handily destroyed all of my positive thoughts about you.
I do admit that we did have our fun times and what not. But was I really that bad? Did he really mean that much to you? That because our relationship hurt him so much that you had to break up with me? Really? I thought I was important, I thought you loved me. I thought the best for you. I still hope the best for you. Still angry as hell though… That’s for sure. I can honestly say that I hate you. I gave you my heart and you toy with my emotions. It wasn’t enough to keep you. What do you want then? I must know and it can not be him you have enough problems with him… he isn’t the one… Stop wasting your time and open up your eyes. I don’t know where you went but the person you are now is a complete and total fuck up… Not going to lie. You have trust issues, and confidence issues.I sure hope this wasn’t my doing but I don’t understand how it would be… I mean it all started with him… all of my insecurities from that one person. He meant so much to you much more than I did that’s why you couldn’t get rid of him huh? I meant so much less than he did.God fuck I don’t think you get till 11:59pm tonight to tell me what you have to tell me. I honestly don’t think you deserve that chance… It’s not like I haven’t been trying to be a friend either, I try to help you but you push me away sigh.I Love you but I don’t like you.
I think I should move on with my life. I think I should hang out with people who care about me. I think I should care about you less. I know I deserve better. I know you and this isn’t you. You are the person that I loved, You are the person that helped me through the hard times and made it impossible for me to feel alone, You were the person that made me feel whole, You were the person I trust completely, You were the person I would stay up till 2-3 am talking to on the phone not giving a damn when we went to sleep, You were the person that I couldn’t wait to see, You at one point in my life was the meaning of life, You were the person I could be myself with and you loved it, You were the person I could cry to and complain to, You were the person that would come out at 11:30 at night just to see me, You were my first kiss, You were my first love, You were the person who’s letters would do more than just boost my moral the would teach me a life lesson, You were the only person that I wanted to spend time with, You were the person that I would talk to on the phone for 2-3 hours even if I had friends over and this wondered where the hell I went, You were the person I would tell my hopes and dreams to, You were the person that I lost friends for, You were the person that I could not live a day with out, You were the person that if I didn’t see you at all for a week or so I would start to freak out, and most importantly of all You were the person I loved.
Well So begins another chapter of life…. ehh I don’t actually know yet she still has 17:30 hours for me to truly decide :3
Happy thoughts LOL With every rageathon there is always good things…
I got a date to Prom LOL kind of early but yeah I’m glad I get to go with her :3 <3 (Thursday)
I found out who really matters in my life. :3 (Wednesday)
Won two ranked matches on STX Lies ( Saturday)
Got 15$ Amazon gift card from Swagbucks (Friday)
Finally talked to my math partner in Pre Calc LOL (Friday)
Realized I might be on the same flight to HK with Timmy and Melissa. (Wednesday)
Got my phone back from Shuen LOL (Friday)
Realized that I don’t need that person in my life?(TBA)
At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old……………, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, he felt ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, repost this. If u don’t, it shows u have no heart
I’m done with you. You are right no matter how angry I get nothing is going to change. Just like no matter how hard I try nothing will change. I will give you back everything you have given me. I don’t want it, you have caused me so much pain. After this post you will not be able to contact me any longer except through phone but I probably won’t answer that either. I have two years left with you after that I will never see you again. Good Riddance. Have a good life. As you would say So is life.
Dear TV, desensitize me. Gimme more genocide please. The world is your aphrodisiac, so you stay turned on every minute, every second I breathe. You weaponize greed, kill me with incessant I needs. Got me checkin’ out those, and checkin’ out these. Mainstream me, disinfectin’ my breed. I’m lookin’ for nirvana but you Geffenize me. Point me to the skies till heaven’s eye bleeds. Anoint me with your lies then divinize me. If heaven is a show, well, televise me. But I won’t lie my way in, no fakin’ IDs. I’ll die standin’. Try breakin my knees. I’ll do a handstand like I’m breakin’. Now freeze. Don’t act like you know me ‘cause you recognize me. You sell my record, not me.